


The General and the Peckerhead

by YouRang



Series: Gunner Jensen [4]
Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 19:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7586956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouRang/pseuds/YouRang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team is curious as to how Kenzie can stand Gunner's snoring, well, Lee has a story for that. Rated T for F-bombs.<br/>Set between Gunner's Christmas Present and Gunner's Last Christmas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The General and the Peckerhead

"So how do you deal with Gunner's snoring?" Toll asked, stifling a snort of laughter.

The team had all gathered at Tool's and were sitting around, laughing, drinking, telling stories and playing cards. Tool and Lee had just finished a knife throw and were teasing each other over who lost.

Kenzie, perched on Gunner's lap as he played cards with Toll, Barney and Caesar, laughed. "We're never asleep long enough for that." 

Grinning as the team jeered and hooted, Gunner buried his face in Kenzie's throat, biting gently and squeezed her thigh, earning a squeal and shoulder slap.

"Oh hell, Squeak sleeps like the bloody dead." Lee laughed, pulling up a chair to the card table and dropping down into it. He nodded to Toll to deal him in. "Remember that time, Kenz? When was it? Oh, yeah." Lee chuckled at the memory, taking a swig of beer and organizing the cards Toll had thrown his way.

"Well? Spit it out, Christmas!" Caesar barked, grabbing a handful of peanuts and winging them at the bald knife master, laughing as Lee grabbed some from his shirtfront and popped them in his mouth, chewing with his mouth open for maximum viewing pleasure.

"Alright, alright....uh, when was it, Squeak? Oh yeah, I was down visiting the folks, and you were leaving, the next day right, for Yale?" 

Kenzie rolled her eyes. "You're not telling that story are you?"

"Hell yeah I am. Anyway, Kenz's is leaving the next day and I'm home visiting, and Dad says the General is coming over for a tea. Oh, shit, I can't believe I forgot" Lee guffawed.

"The General?" Barney asks, pulling his cigar from his mouth.  
'  
"Yeah, this old bastard, nor really a General, just this old W2 vet who lived on the other side of the village. Nice enough chap, but crazy as a bloody loon. Get these flashbacks to the war and do something fuckin' nuts like tear all his clothes off and run through town yelling stuff like, ' Get my jeep, private, we've got Nazis to kill!' Anyways, he's drivin' over for tea in that old rattletrap of jalopy he had and gets one of these bloody 'flashbacks' just as he's pullin' into the yard. Hits the fuckin' gas instead of the brake and blasts right through and crashes into the chicken coop!"

Jaws dropped all around the table.

"There's chickens and feathers and chickenshit flying everywhere, and Squeak's room is at that end of the house, like twenty feet away from all this brouhaha, so I run and take a look. Her fuckin' window's open and Kenzie's laying there, sleeping! Sawing fuckin' logs! I stick my head in the window and yell at her and nothing! So I grabbed that rooster, what was his name, again?"

"Peckerhead." Kenzie supplied, trying to look stern.

"Peckerhead!" Toll guffawed, Caesar howling beside him.

Gunner's shoulders shook as he laughed, wrapping his arms around Kenzie, burying his head in her hair, shaking with mirth.

"The fifth." Kenzie added, trying to stay serious but beginning to snicker herself.

The boys were in stitches by now, slapping their knees, wiping their eyes and smacking each other's shoulders. Lee continued, almost laughing too hard to.

"So I threw the bastard in there and he starts flapping around. And he lands on Kenzie's head! Then the fucker starts crowing! Finally, Squeak wakes up, and she's like 'what the fuck, Lee?'"

Caesar fell out of his chair, screaming laughter, with Toll right behind him. Both Tool and Barney had ceased making noise and were just slapping their knees, trying to catch their breath, tears streaming down their cheeks. 

Gunner threw back his head and roared, arms still around Kenzie, nearly dumping the both of them backwards off the chair. Kenzie had given up on indignation and was howling with the rest, clinging to Gunner's forearms.

"And then," Lee gasped, red faced, "the General comes staggering out of the coop, holding his goddamn umbrella like an Uzi and Dad's like 'Stand down, General!'" Lee finally gave up, hiccupping, shaking his head.

For several minutes everyone just screamed and whenever the laughter waned, all it took was someone gasping 'Peckerhead' to get them all started again. Finally, the laughter died down, everyone out of breath, holding their sides, wiping their eyes, chugging beer. Toll and Caesar had picked themselves up off the floor and collapsed back in their chairs. More minutes passed before anyone could speak, finally Barney snorted.

"Yeah, if you can sleep through that, you can sleep through anything!"


End file.
